After ignoring a few hundred emails from people asking about the sudden death of my site, I figured I would just fill everyone in. Due to an awesome job I got in the entertainment industry, I have to stop this because it will basically get me fired. I live in Hollywood now and basically manipulate stupid celebs everyday. It kind of sucks that I can't call Lindsay a whore on here anymore, but I can make sure people like her don't work in this town again. Unless they blow me, obviously. Anyways, goodbye for now, losers.
Oh I know. Shocking. The highly anticipated second trailer for the top secret JJ Abrams project appeared before Beowolf this weekend. He is a damn genius I tell you, at least that's what nerds who attend comic-con every year will say. This movie might be good, but my prom date also told me she might not have herpes.
btw: Lower the sound.. it's kinda nuts, but there's no better trailer currently.
It's hard to screw up a photo shoot with a girl like Hayden Panettiere, but you can always count on Vaniety Fair for something like this. This is like Hitler screwin' up the Holocaust. Oh.. wait..
Ummm. I don't know who the hell would fight over this random whore, but I've had more serious arguments over who gets to jerk off in my tube sock tonight.
My penis couldn't be any more limp if it was stuck in a car door. Damn, this bitch is boring. If anyone out there wants attractive girls being unsexy, pick up any issue of Maxim. Ever.
70 year old Jack Nicholson suggested he could have fathered over 9,000 kids though he is only putting his hand up and admitting four. Now if he reckons there could be 9,000 Jack (or Jackie) juniors running round and his super sperm hit a home run 50% of the time, does that mean he could have potentially banged 18,000 women?
I wonder how many of the bikini clad woman on this boat could be counted in that 18,000....
I wonder how many of the bikini clad woman on this boat could be counted in that 18,000....
If you're at a red light - and your kids are in the car - the only smart move would be to make a left turn into oncoming traffic. At least that's Britney's thought. Jesus Christ this bitch is dumb. I heard she once lost a spelling bee to a sock.
While Jewel was busy hiding from the public the last few years, her tits were busy morphing into a swamp creature. I don't even know what to think of this. Can a girl's chest look like that? It's like a damn pancake. 
She can obviously open her mouth, but it doesn't mean anything sexy is going on. I would stick my penis in a barb wire fence before I stuck it in this whore's mouth.
I spend a lot of my time teaching married people how to bring the spice back into their bedroom, so I'm pretty much an expert on relationships. That being said, it's obvious that Lindsay Lohan is going to dump Riley Giles in less than a month. That is not how you kiss a girl. Most girls recount seeing flying stars and hearing bells when I kiss them, but not everyone can be me. Sucks, I know.
I really don't understand why anybody would want to listen to Tyra Banks talk about vaginas for an hour, but apparently somebody does. Cancel her freakin' show, or put a bullet in her brain. You ladies really wanna know what it means when your cooters hurt? It means your a god damn whore, and love the cock a little more than you should. Unless it's my cock, that is.
Oh my god! She didn't! Now that's cutting edge. Nothing says attitude and tuffness like a skunk stripe of pink in your hair. The only people that like Avril are the same type of people who weren't good enough to make the basketball team in high school. Losers. Nobody cool will ever like you. Especially me and my models.
A stud blogger like myself only talks about breaking news, so everybody was probably excited this morning to find out such a cutting edge story. Is Hayen Panettiere picking up her cell phone? Putting it back in the bag? I'll keep you up to date.
Is that a kitty cat? Oh, wait! That's Heidi. The same whore who forgets to wear a bra 3 times a week. She does lover her some dressing up, though. That costume is worth more than my house. Well, maybe my pool house. OK, OK. My sneakers.
