Wow, what a shocking face off. An old man with wrinkled balls and a fat lesbian? I can't wait to see what will develop in the ongoing Bill O'Reilly / Rosie O'Donnell feud.
Based on scientists I interviewed before writing this article, there are very few humans who help the amount of ponies that Hayden Panettiere does. She pets them and stuff. And also talks to Mexicans. And they smell. What a saint.
Why is Jennifer famous? Who knows, I don't watch daytime TV. Also, who cares? As long as Tramp Weekly votes her Rollerblade Slut of the week, at least once a year, I have reason to masturbate.
Paris Hilton was planning on doing some crap in Rwanda, but now she's backing out for some reason. Yah, I'm right on top of this.People was issued this statement: "Due to the restructuring of the Playing for Good Foundation, the philanthropic trip to Rwanda that the foundation had previously planned with Paris Hilton has been postponed. Paris has been a loyal and gracious supporter of Playing For Good but the foundation has to regrettably reschedule this trip. Playing for Good would like to thank Ms. Hilton for her generosity and her continued support of this initiative and is looking forward to rescheduling the trip with her at a later time."
Paris Hilton volunteering is like me winning a best kisser contest. I know the competition can be tuff at times, but I always have a trick up my sleeve. The tornado tongue is always a winner, baby!
The only thing cool about a girl getting pregnant is her rapidly growing tits. The down side? She has a baby and gets fat. Is it worth it? Only if you let her give birth in a dumpster. 
I don't know how Kim could be a let down when nobody expected much of her to begin with, but I guess it makes sense. Was anyone else worried about the photographer getting his jeans wet at the 5 second mark? Me too, my friend. Me too. Good Jeans are hard to come by.
Update: After watching this again, I have no idea why the hell I even posted it. It's as pointless as it is stupid, much like Paris Hilton's vagina. A penis entering that can't be much different than a pebble being thrown down a well.
Finally Hilary Duff looks hot. If it wasn't for the black man touching her or my urinary track infection, I'd probably masturbate. OHHH, evil racism. I'm so edgy...
Why not? One time a middle school girl was standing next to me and I stuck my dick in her ear. What does that have to do with this? Nothing?! A little too much "nothing" if you ask me. I'm on to you.
My Electric Car - Part 1
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While you're driving around in your generic gas powered car, Tom Hanks just uses electricity. That's right, chump. He'll also buy your wife if he wants. And he'll bang a supermodel laying in a tub filled with $100 bills.
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While you're driving around in your generic gas powered car, Tom Hanks just uses electricity. That's right, chump. He'll also buy your wife if he wants. And he'll bang a supermodel laying in a tub filled with $100 bills.
I don't understand why the Italian version of Vanity Fair is publishing pictures of a 12 year old boy, but I can only imagine it's because they love naked pictures of young kids. Why would a man choose to have sex with this thing? I would need a pound of Viagra and a fork lift.
I could be watching my grandmother burned alive - and if Megan Fox was in the room - I'd just start masturbating. Seriously, I feel we owe it to her. All of us Americans, but not the Canadians. Damn communists.
Ummm. I think we're suppose to buy the Transformers DVD or something. Or maybe tits. To be honest, I didn't listen to a word this bitch said. She could be talking about quantum mechanics for all I know.
I knew those nun like outfits they sell in Utah wouldn't last once Lindsay Lohan got back to LA. She's a whore at heart, and nothing can change that. It's sort of the same way nothing can change the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic who donates his time to charity.
I like dogs as much as the next person, but who really cares? Ellen is doing nothing but pissing everyone off with her bitching and crying. I do a lot of volunteer work for animals myself. I also catch butterflies in the spring, right after a nice summer rain.
I heard Scarlett spent the night reading to orphans and curing cancer in baby dolphins. Seriously, this girl is so hot I'll make up as many good stories as I can. I also heard she helps puppies cross the road. What a great girl. 
